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Customer Services Words women use Top 8 morons of the year	Italiano Jumbled Next Page>>
Customer Services Below are transcripts taken from real customer service calls.
Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?". Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?". Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall". Caller: "Ah" RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia". Operator: Doesn't the product name give you a clue? RAC Motoring Services 2 Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?". Directory Enquiries 1 Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?". Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". Operator: "You are joking, right?" Directory Enquiries 2 Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven?. Are you sure?". Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland". Directory Enquiries 3 Caller: "I'd like the RSPCA please". Operator: "Where are you calling from?". Caller: "The living room". Directory Enquiries 4 On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". Computer Capers 1 Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this ?". Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'". Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?". Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?". Computer Capers 2 Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?". Tech Support: "Well, it doesn't really work like that...." British Rail Customer: "How much does it cost to Bath on the train?". Operator: "If you can get your feet in the sink, then it's free". Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?". Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours". The Bank Caller: "I would like to borrow $32,000 please". Operator: "Certainly, sir. Over how long?". Caller: "Three years, please". Operator: "OK, sir. That will be $75 per month for 36 months. Is that OK?". Caller: "No, not at all. I want it all at once!"
Words women use..
FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe a woman's looks, this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you have to take out the rubbish, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "five minutes" and end with "fine". GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "fine". GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "nothing" and "fine" and she will talk to you in about "five minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "fine" and in conjunction with a "raised eyebrow". GO AHEAD! At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This in not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".
The Top 8 Morons of the Year
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting Please come out and give yourself up." 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts! 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik-Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. 8. THE GRAND FINALE Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of akersfield, Cal. some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-foot going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath, he came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER. !! THIS IS TRUE ...!! Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Italiano
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was a very nervous. Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta." So, uppa she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, uppa she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So, uppa she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!" Her mama said, "Stay here and stir the pasta..."
Jumbled
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